Building Better Marriages – Tip 3 – The “DTR”

Back in my single days, the letters “DTR” meant “define the relationship.” It was that awkward relationship stage where maybe you had been out on several dates with a member of the opposite sex and the point had come where it was inevitable that the two of you had to really come clean about your feelings for one another. You needed to define the relationship. Were the two of you an “item” now, or was one of you more into the other than the other one was, or was it time to bag the whole thing and move on for the sake of all parties involved?

Well, that was then. And thanks to my friend Bob Felts, and his lovely wife, Deb, and their marriage seminar “Becoming Passionate Teammates”, “DTR” now has a whole new meaning. It now stands for “Daily Temperature Reading.” It is a real simple relational tool for spouses to work through together each day. I believe all the credit for this new “DTR” really belongs to the “PAIRS Foundation.” You can read a more detailed explanation here, but here are the basics of the Daily Temperature Reading:

Each person takes a turn going through these 5 categories:


New Information


Concerns with Recommendations

Wishes, Hope Dreams

Like the 5-foot rule, it can we a little awkward at first, and take a little longer than 15-20 minutes. But as you grow use to sharing, it becomes really natural to jump and communicate with your spouse. It’s a great way to “check in” and get a “check up” on the temperature of your spouse. You get up to speed on their life, and they on yours.

Anyway…be sure to link to the PAIRS website for more detail. But as you practice this Daily Temperature Reading, it really acts as a daily “define the relationship” as you and your spouse get clarity on what’s happening in each others world and how you can better support each other.

About mikewindley

Mike Windley is Lead Pastor of The Bridge Community Church in Morrisville, NC.
This entry was posted in Family, Helping Others, Leadership, Marriage. Bookmark the permalink.

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